I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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