They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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