i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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