I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
