i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
