I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
