can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
