I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
