see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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