You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
