I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's Friday. Sex?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
