$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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