Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
