he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
