Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
