yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
