So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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