yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
