youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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