I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
