if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
