They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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