it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
