its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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