Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
