Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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