I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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