i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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