He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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