Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this will be a night to untag.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
