Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
