i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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