You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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