I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
