i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You're like the curious george of whores
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
