I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
