put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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