you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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