Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
