He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
