When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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