Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
