Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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