I faked an abortion last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hippo gnu deer
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
