I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
