I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
