Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
