There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
