guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
