I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
