i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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