so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
