i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
