She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
People in love make me want to vomit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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