can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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