Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
