problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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