You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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