U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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