i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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