Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
