John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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