I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
