dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
