she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
