Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
