I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize