if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
