So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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