So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
