That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
