Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
