): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
