Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
