Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
