Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
