Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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