the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm passing your future prison.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
