Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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