i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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