are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
