Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
