Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
