Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
