We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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